


Dreams of Orca Whales and Owls

by baeconandeggs, northofthehouse



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Magical Realism, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 22:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/northofthehouse/pseuds/northofthehouse
Summary: Dating Baekhyun was a lot like dating anyone else. (Except Baekhyun, it turned out, was an actual, real-life mermaid person--"The term is merman, Chanyeol, not merdude. God."--and frankly, Chanyeol found the anatomy ofthatabsolutely mystifying.)





	Dreams of Orca Whales and Owls

**Author's Note:**

> **Recipient:** EVERYONE  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
>  **Author's Note:** Dear recipient, forgive me if I butchered your prompt. I loved it but had a hard time writing it for some reason, and this is the end result of that difficulty. Hopefully it's as funny and ridiculous as I think it is; if not, I hope you like it anyway. Enjoy! (Title borrowed from a line in Regina Spektor's "Hotel Song")

**I.** Well this was new: a Halloween costume party hosted by an actual mermaid. Or, at least, a guy who thought he was a mermaid. Or liked to dress up as one. Or something.  
  
Honestly, Chanyeol didn’t really know.  
  
It didn’t really matter to him anyway. Chanyeol was the poster child for broke college student so Jongdae’s promise of free-flowing alcohol was enough to get Chanyeol to come and play the reluctant wingman even though Jongdae and Junmyeon were sort of a foregone conclusion.  
  
What did Chanyeol care about the guy who threw the party?  
  
Still...mermaid guy...or merdude? He apparently hosted this party every year. (Who knew?) Jongdae, though, had only recently started hooking up with Junmyeon, so they’d only recently been invited.  
  
“Dude,” Jongdae gushed in excitement when they made their way up the front steps and walked through a massive set of doors into the foyer. “This house is legit. We should buy a house. Let’s buy a house!”.  
  
Jongdae, apparently, had been pregame drinking.  
  
“Nah, bro,” Chanyeol responded, only slightly more soberly. (He had been pregaming too.) “This place has a freaking pool! We can’t even afford a bathtub.”  
  
While Jongdae was considering this and Chanyeol was snickering at his own logical brilliance, Junmyeon appeared. With barely a hello to Chanyeol, he whisked Jongdae away and left Chanyeol standing all alone in the middle of the living room. (Rude. How could he play wingman without a man to wing?)  
  
_Good old Junmyeon_ , Chanyeol, now abandoned, thought glumly.  
  
“It’s nice to see you too!” he called out into the sweaty haze of strobe lights and thumping bass. “I just love to awkwardly chill by myself in a stranger’s house while you defile my bestie!”  
  
A voice at Chanyeol’s shoulder chuckled with rich amusement and Chanyeol realized only then that the music had slowed a little and a whole lot of people had witnessed his rant.  
  
Oops.  
  
“Nothing to see here,” he tried to tell those standing and staring nearby, but the voice behind him laughed again and disagreed.  
  
“Oh there’s plenty to look at from where I’m standing,” the boy drawled. “Hello,” he greeted, when Chanyeol finally turned around. The boy’s eyes were lined in black and they were all Chanyeol could see while the boy looked him up and down appreciatively. “What a tall drink of water you are.”  
  
Chanyeol gulped. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hit on so brazenly. And this boy? This boy was gorgeous. And also not wearing a shirt. (Wow. He had abs. Chanyeol wanted to lick them.)  
  
“You’re killing the Halloween game,” Chanyeol blurted, overwhelmed and gesturing wildly toward toward the boy’s legs which were covered in some sort of shimmery, scale-like material in the shape of a fin. “Awesome costume.”  
  
The boy’s lips twitched as his smile grew impossibly wide. “You’re a delight,” he informed Chanyeol. “I’m keeping you.”  
  
“Well,” Chanyeol replied, holding up a hand to his mouth like he was sharing a secret. “I’m single so…” (Drunk Chanyeol was the worst, honestly.)  
  
The boy clapped his hands and laughed once more. “A delight!” he repeated. (Okay, so maybe Drunk Chanyeol wasn’t so bad after all.)  
  
**II.** Dating Baekhyun was a lot like dating anyone else. (Except for when it wasn’t.)  
  
Baekhyun and Chanyeol went out on dates like normal couples did.  
  
(Except Chanyeol learned the hard way that he couldn’t eat sushi anymore, not if he wanted his boyfriend to kiss him.  
  
“Fish are friends, babe,” Baekhyun had informed him primly. “Not food.”  
  
“Did you just quote _Finding Nemo_ to me?” Chanyeol had asked, amazed. “You do realize the irony of that, right?”  
  
“If you’re trying to insinuate something about me being a fish,” Baekhyun had responded, “I’m happy to keep my mouth, and my dick, all to myself.”)  
  
And sometimes Baekhyun and Chanyeol stayed in to just Netflix and chill.  
  
(Except Baekhyun made Chanyeol watch _Aquamarine_ basically all the time and then he cried when it was taken off Netflix.)  
  
Baekhyun and Chanyeol even fooled around. A lot.  
  
(Except Baekhyun, it turned out, was an actual, real-life mermaid person—“The term is merman, Chanyeol, not merdude. God.”—and frankly, Chanyeol found the anatomy of _that_ absolutely mystifying.)  
  
Therein lay the problem, actually. Chanyeol had it hard for Baekhyun, but he wasn’t sure his boyfriend even had a penis, let alone whether or not Baekhyun’s mystery dick could get hard.  
  
“I’m built just like you, dummy,” Baekhyun rolled his eyes at Chanyeol when he expressed these concerns. “The fin I was wearing when we met was just a costume. Halfie’s like me don’t grow tails.”  
  
Chanyeol made the 0_o emoji face. This was a lot to take in.  
  
“OMG,” Baekhyun said, exasperated. “Do I have to pull down my pants right now and show you what I’m packing?”  
  
“Please don’t,” Chanyeol’s roommate, Kyungsoo, deadpanned from the couch. “I have my own boyfriend, Chanyeol. I don’t need to see the naughty bits of yours.”  
  
“Here, here!” Jongdae called from the kitchen.  
  
“We’ll just go in Yeol’s room then,” Baekhyun announced loudly before sticking his tongue out at the back of Kyungsoo’s head and marching determinedly toward Chanyeol’s bedroom door.  
  
“But Baek!” Chanyeol whined, scrambling after his boyfriend. “They’ll know what we’re doing in there. Can’t we just go out for coffee or something? I’m happy to look at your dick later!”  
  
Baekhyun huffed, but agreed, and in less than half an hour Chanyeol found himself seated across from his boyfriend at a booth in a very cool coffee shop owned by Baekhyun’s friends.  
  
Or, as Baekhyun neglected to mention, not Baekhyun’s friends, but Baekhyun’s brother and Baekhyun’s brother’s boyfriend. (Both of whom were tiny, compared to Chanyeol, but seemed to be ripped like bodybuilders if the muscles peeking out from under the sleeves of their t-shirts were anything to go by. Joy.)  
  
Chanyeol smiled his best, least creepy smile, and stuck out his hand. “Yo,” he greeted, still under the impression that the two guys were merely Baekhyun’s friends.  
  
The shorter of the two frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. Baekhyun smirked, looking oddly triumphant.  
  
“This is my boyfriend, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun introduced. Then he said, “He doesn’t want to touch my dick.”  
  
As Chanyeol nearly choked to death in shock and embarrassment, the non-frowny guy gasped dramatically.  
  
“It’s a travesty!” he cried, running his hands through his pink hair and groaning in despair.  
  
“That’s what I said!” Baekhyun agreed.  
  
“Really, Baek?” asked the frowny one. “You finally bring your boyfriend to meet me and this is how you introduce him?”  
  
Baekhyun pouted. “But, Minseok hyung,” he whined, “I have a perfectly awesome dick. Anyone would be lucky to touch it!”  
  
“Gross,” the frowny one, Minseok, said. “As your brother, Baek, there are some things I never want to hear.”  
  
(For a second there Chanyeol had been pretty concerned that Baekhyun and these two had some kinky threesome thing going on. He was unbelievably relieved to learn that Minseok and Baekhyun were actually siblings. Then he thought about how nonchalantly he’d greeted Baekhyun’s older brother and suddenly he was stressed all over again.)  
  
“Um.” Chanyeol braved an interruption and raised his hand. “If I may?”  
  
“Please do,” encouraged the one with pink hair, while Minseok continued to frown and merely protested “Lu!” when the other guy added “Oh, this’ll be fun.”  
  
“It’s not that I’m not interested in touching…”Chanyeol caught Minseok’s eye and coughed, regretting his word choice. “I mean, being with Baek in _that_ way.” He coughed again. Baekhyun and Lu snickered. Minseok’s glare softened into a smirk.  
  
“It’s just that at first I genuinely wasn’t sure he had...the right equipment?” A snort from Baekhyun. (Chanyeol could swear his boyfriend was enjoying his misery.) “And now, even though I know that he does, you know, have the right stuff, everyone else knows too!”  
  
“No slut-shaming,” Baekhyun told Chanyeol firmly, apparently unruffled by this entire awkward experience. “You’re still more than welcome to touch my dick, even if everyone else knows you’ll be doing it.”  
  
“Oh my god, Baek, please.” Minseok sounded like he was in actual pain. “Stop talking about your dick. I’m going to be sick and you’re scaring away the customers.”  
  
“Here, here!” Jongdae called from his seat with Junmyeon on the other side of the cafe. (How the hell…?)  
  
So yeah, dating Baekhyun was a lot like dating anyone else except some things were out-of-this-world unusual and some things were not.  
  
(Like Baekhyun’s dick. Although Baekhyun had kicked Chanyeol in the shin and refused to let Chanyeol suck him off when Chanyeol had finally gotten an up-close look at Baekhyun’s...package...and declared that it looked pretty normal after all.  
  
“I am anything but normal,” Baekhyun had complained to Luhan, who had then nodded solemnly in agreement. “My dick is a work of fucking art, okay.”  
  
Minseok, from behind the register, had grimaced and made obnoxious retching noises.  
  
Chanyeol, from beside Baekhyun, had rubbed at the bruise on his shin and stayed out of it.)  
  
**III.** Chanyeol, one final semester away from finishing an actuarial science degree, was still a college student. Baekhyun, six months older and an entire school year above Chanyeol, was not.  
  
“How do you live?” Chanyeol, curious enough and tipsy enough, had asked when they first met.  
  
Baekhyun had flashed a peace sign then patted his abs. “Modelling,” he said as he’d looked up at Chanyeol through his lashes. “Have I impressed you yet?”  
  
“We’re trust fund babies,” Minseok told Chanyeol later, when Chanyeol had wanted to know how two people as young as Minseok and Luhan could afford to go into business together. “Me and Baek at least. And Lu’s pretty popular in China.”  
  
Luhan shrugged, like being famous overseas was no big deal.  
  
“Well it must be nice to have family money,” Chanyeol murmured thoughtfully. “And to have that many people like you,” he conceded to Luhan who was looking at him expectantly.  
  
“Aw, I like you, babe!” Baekhyun cooed. Chanyeol hadn’t been fishing for compliments but he appreciated the sentiment. (Lol. Fishing. Baekhyun would hit him if he made that pun.)  
  
On the other side of the cafe Jongdae whispered to Junmyeon, “Even if no one else does.”  
  
“I heard that!” Chanyeol cried indignantly. “No one likes you either, bro.”  
  
As if he enjoyed proving Chanyeol wrong, Junmyeon grinned widely, then raised one hand and used the other to point to himself. Baekhyun and Luhan began to giggle uncontrollably and Minseok just sighed. He was glad his little brother was happy, but life had been so quiet and peaceful before Park Chanyeol came around.  
  
Chanyeol sighed too, pouting. “Bullies, the lot of you,” he whined, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
Baekhyun slid a little closer to him on the booth and planted his chin on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Don’t be sad, Yeollie,” he said sweetly. “We’re sorry.”  
  
Chanyeol shifted and turned his head away from Baekhyun, but it was hard to hide the smile that was already fighting its way onto his face. “No,” he grumbled. “Stop being cute. I’m mad at you.”  
  
“Want me to buy you something yummy to make it up to you?” Baekhyun snuggled closer and gestured toward the glass display case Minseok was dusting. “Hyung’s sweet treats are the best!”  
  
“They really are,” Luhan agreed, waggling his eyebrows. Chanyeol wanted to gag; Kyungsoo, seated on the other side of the cafe with Jongdae, Junmyeon, and his own boyfriend, Jongin, actually did gag.  
  
To change the subject from that horrifying innuendo, Chanyeol blurted out the first thing that came to mind and said, “Spend your buried treasure on me somewhere else. If you buy me something from here it doesn’t count, since Minseok hyung will probably give it to you for free.”  
  
Baekhyun’s answering laughter was tinged with surprise. “Buried treasure?”  
  
“You’re half...you know,” Chanyeol stage whispered. “If you’re a trust fund baby, I can only assume it’s because one of your parents is a merperson and, like, rich in pirate booty or doubloons or something.”  
  
“Oh my god, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun laughed again. “You seriously are a delight. So misinformed but so precious about it. I’m adopted!”  
  
Well. That was new information.  
  
“Then how do you know that you’re…?” Chanyeol trailed off, not sure how much to say in front of Luhan and the others in the cafe. (Especially since Jongdae and Kyungsoo seemed to have superhuman hearing. Maybe also Junmyeon.)  
  
“You can say merman, babe,” Baekhyun told him. “Those that know already know and those that don’t know probably won’t believe you anyway.”  
  
Chanyeol considered this. He hadn’t shared Baekhyun’s unique background with anyone, mostly because it wasn’t his “secret” to tell. It hadn’t even occurred to him that those he did choose to tell might not believe him.  
  
“Okay, fine,” he conceded thoughtfully. “You’re half human, half merman. That still doesn’t answer the question of how you know that about yourself, if you were adopted.”  
  
“Mom and Dad were marine biologists before they retired,” Minseok interjected. Baekhyun stayed silent, snuggled up against Chanyeol’s side. He seemed content to let his brother tell the story. “They found him floating facedown in a tide pool off the coast of Jeju Island. Mom was freaked that he was dead or something but little bro’s got wicked gills on his neck that only appear when he’s in salt water and he was just trying to be friends with the starfish.”  
  
“So he could actually be half fish and not part merdude after all?” Jongdae asked curiously. He’d somehow appeared at the counter without anyone noticing and had apparently been listening in.  
  
Baekhyun sniffed, annoyed. “I’m not a fish. What kind of weirdo has sex with a fish? How would that even work?”  
  
“Mermaids have tails!” Jongdae argued. “How would _that_ even work?”  
  
“Touche,” Baekhyun grumbled. “But since Mom and Dad had no way of knowing what I was, they just sort of made assumptions and here we are. I am not half fish, okay.”  
  
Jongdae looked unconvinced but Chanyeol believed him.  
  
“You’re perfect, babe,” Chanyeol reassured his boyfriend. “Whatever you are.”  
  
“And you two are disgustingly adorable,” Kyungsoo complained, also having somehow arrived at the bar without anyone noticing. “Please stop.”  
  
“Never,” Chanyeol declared dramatically, turning his head and leaning down until his face was level with Baekhyun’s.  
  
“What he said,” Baekhyun agreed in a defiant murmur against Chanyeol’s lips.  
  
(Later, Chanyeol looked up Luhan and his popularity in China, just to be safe. It turned out the guy had the voice of an angel and the acting chops to win an Oscar, but when Chanyeol saw the articles stressing Luhan’s soft looks and sweet disposition he had to laugh.  
  
“I mean,” he chortled to Baekhyun, “have they met the guy? He’s a mischievous little devil.”  
  
“You’re not wrong,” Baekhyun answered without glancing up from his phone, “but don’t let Minseok hyung hear you say that.”  
  
Chanyeol also spent a little more time researching merpeople. There wasn’t much to go on, but he did find a sweet little article in a local Jeju paper from about 20 years ago that told the story of a marine biologist couple who had saved a little boy from drowning. The article praised the couple for adopting the child when they already had their own biological son, and quoted them as saying, “He could be a merman, for all we care. It doesn’t matter what he is or where he came from. To us, he’s a miracle.”)


End file.
